a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
