I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
