Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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