jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
