thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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