I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
