i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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