Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
