apparently the secret to your success is patron
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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