Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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