i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I checked into jail on foursquare
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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