How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
