For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I love you.
Bad choice
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
