I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
