He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
