totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
