YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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