You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
