She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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