Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
