Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
