come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
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I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
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I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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