Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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