can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
