You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
