Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
