Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
