This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
