I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
