Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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