Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
