I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
