I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just saw a hot homeless man
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
