Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
