zippers are such a cool invention
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
