Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
