Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
