We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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