Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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