so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize