He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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