Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
