We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
