Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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