I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I want is dick and wine.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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