I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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