Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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