Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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