The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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