Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
