I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
