don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
