somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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