she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
