I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
