y did u give ur computer a hand job?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
