I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
