I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
