I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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