It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
