Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
two words...techno handjob
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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