How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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