no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
