wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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