i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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