So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize