Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
