I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
