Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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