she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
