Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
