i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
