Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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