Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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