hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
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Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?