My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.