I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
