You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Bring me that man meat
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
