TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How does one acquire holy water?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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