She said her name was "party"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize