OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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