I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
