let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
