that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
