Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
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Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high