At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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