She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This toilet bowl is my home.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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