Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
