Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
